5 Tips to Get Your Ex Back

As I mentioned in my previous post, if you want to get your ex back, you will need to develop a strategy. Too often, we simply let our emotions dictate our actions... which usually doesn't work out very well.

A focused course like Save the Marriage will help you develop a plan to get your ex back, but here are a few tips to help get you started on the path to restoring your relationship:

1) Allow some space.

Many times, when we see our spouse or partner slipping away, we instinctively want to cling to them - calling them constantly, dropping by every day, sending flowers each morning, etc. While it's natural to want to do this, it's actually counterproductive. You don't want to disappear altogether, of course, but giving the relationship some breathing room can work wonders. It gives your ex the opportunity to see what life would be like without you - and it's probably not as great as he or she thought. It also gives times for emotions to settle so the two of you can address problems in a rational, productive manner.

2) Don't be stubborn.

If you're convinced your spouse is wrong, you might be waiting for them to come back with an apology. While your spouse is probably at least partially at fault, this is not the time to stubbornly demand that the relation come back together under your terms. There was a reason (well, probably several reasons, if you're like most of us) the breakup occurred... but if you want to get your ex back, you're going to have to show some flexibility. Be willing to meet your partner half way... and own your part in the relationship problems. You don't have to be perfect - just be willing to work on some changes.

3) Be adult about the situation.

Showing up at your ex's apartment with tears streaming down your face isn't the best way to renew his or her affections. Neither is leaving angry voicemails or sending emails pleading for him or her to come back. If you're going to get your ex back, be calm and mature about the situation. If wailing and temper tantrums are necessary, do it when no one is around to hear you.

4) Don't change your personality.

When a spouse leaves, many of us think he or she wanted us to be a different person. That's usually not the case - after all, when the two of you first met, your spouse was attracted to you. Changing your personality won't win your ex over, but it will leave you feeling miserable. So don't go buy that Harley just because you heard your ex mention she finds bikers attractive.

5) Take time away from the situation.

It's easy to become obsessed with your plan to get your ex back... but sitting and thinking about it endlessly will drive you nuts (plus it makes room for tons of what-ifs - always a recipe for anxiety). Take a weekend away with friends, drive to the country and pitch a tent, or just go see a movie. Anything that takes your mind off the situation for a while will help you feel better and approach the situation more calmly.

These tips will help set the stage for you to get your ex back. If you want a step-by-step plan (especially is your spouse isn't interested in restoring the marriage right now), I'd recommend a website called Save the Marriage.