Six Techniques to Save Your Failed Marriage

Do you feel like you marriage has failed overnight? It’s a pretty awful feeling to wake up and realize that your relationship has turned sour… but in most cases, it doesn’t really happen all at once. Things have probably been getting bad for a while… and at least one of you has been in denial.

See, it’s the little things that build up over time and eventually destroy a marriage. She doesn’t have dinner ready on time; he forgets to take the trash out; she spends too much time watching television; he spends too much time in the garage. These things aren’t a big deal by themselves, but pile them up over time, and you can find your marriage in real trouble.

Fortunately, very few relationships are past the point of saving. There are techniques that you can use to start rebuilding your relationship… even if your spouse isn’t ready to start trying yet. It’s going to seem like an uphill battle at first, but as you start making improvements, your spouse will take notice, and will want to hop on board. And when you’re both working to restore your failed marriage… there’s no way you can go wrong!

You can get started saving your failed marriage today with these six simple techniques:

1) Take time to do little things for your partner. Small acts of kindness and empathy are like unexpected jewels for your partner – especially when your spouse is having a rough day, or is just exhausted from all the demands of day to day life. These jewels will go a long way toward restoring your marriage, even though they don’t require a lot of time or money. Things like bringing your spouse breakfast in bed, running an errand that he or she forgot, or picking up a quart of your spouse’s favorite ice cream... these are but a few of the small kindnesses that will work wonders for your marriage.

2) Find new activities that you both might enjoy, and take the time to try out those activities together. Couples frequently complain that they no longer share common interests, because they have simply grown apart. The real issue usually isn’t growing apart, though… it’s that the things you used to enjoy together have become stale and boring. Be adventurous and try something together that you never thought you’d try… salsa dancing, skydiving, antiques shopping – anything to restore your connection with your spouse and keep the marriage fresh.

3) Understand that your own personal issues affect your marriage. Ever snapped at your partner because some completely unrelated issue was getting to you? Most likely, you’ve done it at least a few times. We all do it occasionally, but when your personal issues habitually affect how you interact with your spouse, it's time to start dealing with your own emotional issues. You may need to see a counselor, and there’s no shame in discussing your personal issues with a professional. It can be a huge contribution toward saving your failed marriage.

4) Compliment your partner frequently, and say “thank you” more often than you need to. After spending years in a marriage, couples tend focus heavily on the negative aspects of their relationships… and take the good things for granted. Rather than focusing on your spouse's faults, express gratitude for the things he or she contributes to your marriage. Compliments are wonderful too – we all want our spouses to think we’re intelligent, attractive, talented, witty… no matter how confident your spouse seems to be, he or she still wants your reassurance. And when make your spouse’s day with a sincere compliment… you show him or her you’re still the hero you were on your wedding day.

5) When disagreeing with your spouse, try to see things from your partner's perspective (this, my friend, requires listening). You can learn a lot by making an effort to understand how your spouse could perceive the situation differently. Plus, showing that your partner's feelings are important to you will go a long way toward repairing your failed marriage.

Don’t think this means the two of you will never disagree again. That’s not only unrealistic… it would actually be a bad thing. When you disagree respectfully, differences of opinion make your marriage stronger and more engaging. Think about what marriage would be like if the two of you agreed on every single issue. Pretty boring...

6) Concentrate on solutions, not on assessing blame. It usually doesn't matter who started the argument, or who caused the issue. Insisting on laying blame only fosters resentment, which drives an even bigger wedge into your marriage. Instead, focus your energy on finding mutually agreeable solutions. Often, when you shift your focus away from blame, it’s surprisingly easy to find a solution that works for you both.

Using these strategies will help you make an incredible difference in the quality of your marriage For more tips, resources, and inspiration, visit Save the Marriage.